Welcome back to another exciting semester of Kiwak’s Quips. I’m sure you all missed them, so let’s not waste any time. As always, there’s plenty to talk about in the world of sports.

The Quips:

Just when you think the media is done putting the suffix “-gate” at the end of anything remotely controversial, they give us “Deflategate.”

The New England Patriots stand accused of reducing the pounds per square inch of 11 of their 12 footballs during the AFC Championship Game against the Indianapolis Colts.

In case you haven’t guessed, doing that is illegal, so now head coach Bill Belichick is facing his second “-gate” scandal of the past decade.

That’s probably one of the more infamous records in sports history.

In all seriousness, expect New England to face fairly strict punishment for its reportedly illegal activities.

Is it a dumb rule? Yeah.

Did it drastically affect the game? Probably not.

But that’s not the issue. It’s still cheating, and it’s damaging to what’s left of the league’s integrity.

If I were commissioner Roger Goodell – and I’m glad I’m not – I would make an example out of the Patriots by taking away all of the team’s draft picks this year.

Or, if I really wanted to get my point across, I would suspend Belichick, restricting him from coaching in the Super Bowl.

Whatever the punishment may be, it has to show that the league will not tolerate cheating of any kind.

I just hope that this issue will be resolved in a timely manner because I’m getting sick of all the ball puns on my Twitter timeline.

While we’re on the topic of the male groin area, Seattle Seahawks running back Marshawn Lynch was fined $20,000 Thursday for grabbing his crotch after scoring a touchdown against the Green Bay Packers in the NFC Championship Game.

On an another note, I’d like to personally ask the NFL: What have you done to the Pro Bowl?

First, you moved it to the weekend before the Super Bowl, which means that it’s guaranteed that some of the best players are going to drop out.

Then, you decide to move it from its usual spot of Hawaii, a sandy paradise, to Glendale, Ariz., a sandy wasteland.

Then, to top it all off, you get rid of the typical conference alignment, which every other major sports league uses for all-star games, in favor of a draft system where two honorary captains select players.

Not to mention, the years-old, albeit beloved skills competition that accompanied the Pro Bowl is long gone.

The league has essentially turned the Pro Bowl, a game which is supposed to actually mean something, into a glorified high-school-gym-class-dodgeball match.


Forbes has released its annual list of most valuable sports franchises.

The average NBA team is worth $1.1 billion.

The average NFL team? It’s worth even more, coming in at approximately $1.43 billion.

The Twitter Follow of the Week: St. Louis Rams Defensive End Chris Long (@JOEL9ONE)

Long is the definition of a great Twitter follow. He provides football insight, he seems pretty genuine, and he can be downright hilarious.

From providing his takes on pop culture, like the Amazon Fire commercial with the incomparable Gary Busey, to live-tweeting his dad Howie Long’s analysis during the NFC Championship Game halftime show on Fox, he always makes reading his tweets worth it.

Give him a follow.

“I wrapped a Goosebumps book I had already read and gave it to a chick for Christmas in 94. Pimp tight,” Long wrote while reminiscing about his childhood Jan. 17.

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