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Cleveland Browns quarterback Baker Mayfield (6) reacts to a holding call by the officials in the second half, September 8, 2019, at FirstEnergy Stadium. Cleveland Browns quarterback Baker Mayfield (6) reacts to a holding call by the officials in the second half, September 8, 2019, at FirstEnergy Stadium.

This article contains opinion.

 

And suddenly, all is right again. 

The National Football League has officially returned for its 100th season. All 32 teams are looking to battle for their lives for a trip to Miami for the 54th Super Bowl game. 

However, that is far down the line; we have six months of the wonderful, beautiful, emotional rollercoaster that is professional football. But that is common knowledge, something you do not read this article for. You read this column for the flawless takes and guaranteed money. So sit down, shut up and drink a beer. 

Forget about that season opener, somehow more boring than the Super Bowl. 

Matter of fact, I’m just glad the Pats vs. Steelers didn’t open the season because (being a Steelers fan) I would have had to listen about that all day Sunday. 

Instead, I just had the pleasure of Antonio Brown turning the modern structure of football on its head when he finessed out of Pittsburgh, Buffalo and Oakland, only to land on the greatest-ran franchise in the history of sports. 

I will have an AB article coming out in the future, so right now I just want to highlight my biggest takeaways from week uno. 

You like that? You like that? Kirk Cousins and the Vikings are out for pillaging this season. 

Last year, their superstar running back Delvin Cook was out for the season, it was Cousins’ first year with the team and they had coaching problems. This team, mind you, went 13-3 and lost in the NFC championship in 2017. They now have a better offense and are just as good on defense. There is no reason why they shouldn’t be on a contender’s list. 

Thanos thought he was, and I quote, “inevitable” with his six infinity stones; however, Iron Man had something to say about that. 

Unfortunately for us, the only man that is inevitable is Tom Brady and his six rings. If you really think that offense is going to be any worse with the best wide receiver in the league, you’re wrong. 

Now keep in mind they did play Big Ben and Mike Tomlin who just cower and whimper to the might of the Patriots. Our only hope isn’t Iron Man but instead Patrick Mahomes. 

Show me the money, Jerry. Show me the money! Show me the money! No, not Rod Tidwell yelling at Jerry Maguire, but Dak Prescott yelling at Jerry Jones. Show him the damn money, Jerry! Dak showed up and out yet again with a perfect game. Seven incompletions, 405 yards, four touchdowns all in a 35-point division win against the Giants. 

Baker Mayfield didn’t wake up feeling dangerous Sunday; he just woke up in danger. That Tennessee defense showed as much mercy on Mayfield as that brick wall did (if you know, you know). Baker was sacked five times, picked off three times and had a passer rating of 64.0. Maybe we should play the rest of the season rather than handing a Super Bowl spot to Cleveland.

All in all, a wonderful first week of football. We saw some unfortunate injuries but great football. 

If the first week has taught us anything, it’s this: stop watching First Take and stick with Hot Take Jake.  

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