Penn Editorial 5.4.12

By now it’s basically tradition. We here at The Penn feel obligated to inform you just what you probably should not be doing when you ought to be studying for your finals, writing your final papers or working on your final projects. Finality is kind of scary, and so are finals. But finals are pretty inescapable. So here’s a bunch of stuff you shouldn’t do instead.


Build a blanket fort. Build a house made of water bottles. Defend your blanket fort from coworkers. Defend your blanket fort from neighbors. Defend your blanket fort from zombies. Wallpaper your bathroom with crossword puzzles. Write absurd notes to your friends and leave them inside their laptops. Play Pokemon. Catch them all. Play Cooking Mama. Learn how to peel eggs with a stylus. Create a Disney Pandora station. Sing karaoke. Sing in the shower. Sing in the rain. Write letters to fictional characters. Write letters from fictional characters. Take long walks on the beach. Get caught in the rain. Drink. Design your very own superhero costume. Tame a squirrel. Write poetry. Write a screenplay. Write a list of reasons you should be exempt from your finals. Swear. Preorder Diablo III. Shop online for hats. Learn to play the ukelele. Wear sunglasses at night.

Throw pottery. Throw pottery at walls. Cross-stitch. Create a collage of pictures of owls. Recruit your friends and neighbors for an impromptu game of Whose Line Is It Anyway? Lose all sense of vocal volume modulation. Take pictures of yourself. Cry. Go to Sheetz. Speak only in Shakespearean English. Include the scatalogical humor. Play racquetball. Play kickball. Play the accordian. Plan a bonfire. Catalog your selection of scented soaps. Drink. Make tea. Make coffee. Make pleasant conversation. Sunbathe. Search for unicorns. Determine what you would do with a drunken sailor. Count how many words there are in this editorial. Count the hours until graduation. Drink. Cry. Watch Game Show Network. Dye your hair. Dye your roommate’s hair. Dye your cat. (Don’t dye your cat.) Order glowsticks. Pack. Go rock-climbing. Sew a ballgown. Audition for a Renaissance Faire. Love everything.