Center offers tips for coping with deployment during the holidays

During the holiday season, interpersonal conflict and constraints on time and money often combine to create a stressful time of year for many people.

For those with friends, family or significant others who are deployed in the military and spending the holidays far from home, stress can be made worse by the uncertainty of what the loved one is experiencing.

Friday, representatives from IUP's Center for Counseling and Psychological Services discussed these issues at their program, "When a Friend or Family Member is in the Military and Deployed Overseas During the Holidays," and offered ideas for coping with the stress of having a loved one overseas.

Elizabeth Kincade, an associate professor and licensed psychologist at C-CAPS, said she became interested in the stresses faced by military members and their friends and family over the past few years, as more soldiers have been deployed to serve in Iraq and Afghanistan. She has worked with students struggling to readjust to civilian life after being deployed and returning and has taught online courses whose students included soldiers on active military duty.

The holiday season, she said, is often more difficult than other times of year for deployed soldiers' families.

"They have friends, family, loved ones in situations that they can't control and that they may not really know about," she said.

Although technologies such as the Internet and cell phones have made it easier for soldiers to keep in touch with their families, it is still difficult for many of their families to understand what soldiers go though on a daily basis.

Kincade said, according to a March article in the Washington Post, one in three soldiers would seek mental health services upon returning from deployment. Although, according to the article, only about 12 to 20 percent of combat veterans will develop full-blown posttraumatic stress disorder, which produces flashbacks, nightmares and intrusive, disruptive thoughts as a result of exposure to trauma, Kincade said "people [are] coming back recognizing that they've been changed."

After viewing often-traumatic experiences while serving in the military, soldiers may find the readjustment to civilian life difficult, and many of them experience anxiety, depression and stress.

The military reserves, Kincade said, is a six-year commitment, and many people experience additional stress from the fact that they may not have expected to be deployed when they signed up or that they hadn't expected their lives to change - for instance, getting married or having children - during their time in the military.

Although she said the majority of people who are deployed will likely not be wounded or killed, the media often tells a different story, putting emphasis on the war's horror stories and creating stress among military members and their families.

Kristina Luna (doctoral student, psychology) was also present at Friday's program. She said she became interested in the issues of military members and their loved ones because she had a cousin who was deployed along with his then-fiancée.

While her cousin, she said, felt it was his duty to go, many of his family members were fearful rather than supportive.

The issue of being unable to control the situation, Kincade said, is a major cause of stress for those with deployed loved ones.

"I think the holidays are one of those times that we feel like we have to be in control," she said. "More than any other time of the year, we try to control the environment."

When unrealistic expectations prevail, such as the idea that deployed family members will be home for the holidays, stress often results.

"I think it just makes the whole holiday season more difficult because we're worried," she said.

She said it is important to keep in touch with the deployed loved one and to allow them, but not pressure them, to express their feelings about their life in the military and about being away from home.

"Don't pretend this isn't happening," she said. She also said it is important for those with deployed loved ones to take care of themselves, because it is difficult to be supportive if one is anxious, upset and stressed.

Luna suggested that people with a deployed family member "surround yourself with people who are helpful to you," including friends and family. C-CAPS' services, including individual and group counseling, are available only to students, but the center can do referrals to other local services for anyone in the IUP community, and their workshops and presentations are open to anyone in the IUP community.

While there is currently no group at C-CAPS specifically geared toward members of the military or people with deployed family members, Kincade and Luna said they would be interested in starting a monthly discussion group for people in such a situation if there is interest among members of the IUP community.